breathing

Open your heart - without cupid's help

Open your heart - without cupid's help

Open your heart to love every day of the year with this gentle heart-opening yoga and meditation practice.

Meditation - 3 misconceptions that may be holding you back

Tell me, what do you know about meditation?

 

Does it sound 'new age-y'? Or has it come into the main stream well enough for you to know meditation doesn't have to mean robe-donning, chanting, and so on...?

 

Have you tried it?

 

Tell me, did you close your eyes and 'nothing much happened'? ...Did you fall asleep? ...Did you find it hard to stay still?

 

In fairness, if you have tried to meditate and basically felt like you must be 'doing it wrong' or 'missing something', I'd wager a bet that you're not alone.

People quite often tell me that their first few meditation sessions didn't go how they thought they would. Some might have even sat there wondering what all the fuss is about! In fact, some may argue, why bother meditating at all if you end up feeling more confused about it all than when you started?!

 

What that tells me, is that this person has bought into the somewhat hyped-up idea that to meditate for the first time is to be instantly enlightened, and that if you do not discover the hidden truths or reach a higher plane, then you must be missing something. So maybe you put it into the 'too hard' basket and give up.

 

 

 

In reality, the sooner you let go of 'guru-level enlightenment' as a goal, the better. This idea has come from media sensationalism, envy-inducing and unrealistic social media posts, or, of course, celebrity hype. There is truth somewhere in those bold claims, which can be traced back to the original Hindus and Tibetan monks practicing yoga and meditation for many centuries, but in our Western, capitalist society, deeper spiritual meaning is quite often obscured by the shininess of the glitter that is the modern health craze. Don't get me wrong, the modern health craze is good, if somewhat skewed and confusing. Green smoothies and yoga have become mainstream. But that means that there are literally thousands of newbie yoga teachers around the world who walk and talk as though they've reached some state of nirvana from all the yoga and meditation they do, and that it is their job to impart its wisdom. This imparting of wisdom is generally nice and benign, but I believe it can mislead you, the modern public, about what meditation is, what it can do for you, and how to access it. 

But I'm not here today to rabbit on about all of that, so I'll stop!

I simply want to point out what I see as misconceptions about meditation commonly held by the general public, perhaps including you, Ms or Mr Average Joe. My hope is that you see it for the amazing practice that it truly is, but that you see it with an ounce of realism and logic. If you have been put off in the past from trying it, I am hoping to clear away some of those myths so you might also see yourself giving it a try.

 

Why?

 

I teach meditation and yoga. I have skills to share, and an incredible amount of enthusiasm for yoga and meditation, because it can truly be life-changing.

As part of my offering in stress management, I want to share with as many people as possible, just how health-giving and stress-reducing these practices can be.

However, I do not intend to let others think I have become enlightened. I will not be a charlatan about it. I will not get woo-woo on you and try to convince you that I have some higher powers that you are missing out on. Because I think it will put you off making it a regular practice, and because I think it would unethical of me to do that.

 

My gut feeling is that the more you see it as something within your reach, the more chances there are that you'll try it. And because I know what an incredible difference it can make to your life, health and relationships, I would love to see more people bringing it into their daily lives!

 

So what has meditation done for me?

Regular, long term practice has definitely made me more grounded, more emotionally aware, more balanced, and more empathetic, among other things. It has improved my health, made me more alert and focussed, given me increased self-awareness and self-compassion, and helped me build and nurture my special relationships, and I absolutely love it.

 

meditation

 

I wish my daily meditation practice looked like this. But it doesn't.

This was taken in Bali on my yoga teacher training. It was posed and I was actually exhausted from the intensive (and enjoyable!) program we undertook. It was a beautiful setting, but I haven't made it back there, and I'm not sure when I will. Wish I could say my life looked like this every day, but I would be misleading you.

 

I live in a cramped 1 bedroom flat in a basement in a very expensive city. Usually, I do yoga and meditate in one of the only spaces we have available - the square metre or so at the foot of the bed, next to the wall and the hole in the floor that smells like musty earth. I don't mind though.

 

Usually, I meditate for 20-30 minutes every morning. But some mornings I don't sit down in time and I have to cut it short. Some mornings I have an early meeting or some other appointment, and I can only squeeze in 5 or 10 minutes. On those days I make a promise to myself to make up for it in the afternoon, but I don't always get there. Sometimes I have all the freedom in the world and I don't use a time limit, then time truly does disappear. But I don't mind either way.

 

I have dreams of running my own stress management retreats. I have dreams of living somewhere tropical and spacious with my husband. Who knows, we might even get there one day. But as it is right now, I don't mind one bit.

 

The photo you see above, this is not my meditation reality. And I truly don't mind.

Because, for me, meditation is never something that is visible on the outside. You could be in a dank and dusty cell. You could be run off your feet with chores. You could be all alone, or you could be surrounded by people. All of these things won't matter the minute you choose to close your eyes and connect with your breath, whether it is for 5 or 50 minutes. As soon as you do that, you are opening the door to a new, expansive world, and this is where the magic happens. Not surrounded by green smoothie gulping yogis, not in a world-class health facility, not on a long holiday away from work, but in your daily life, where you are right now, with the time you have right now. That's where it happens.

 

This brings me to the whole point of this article, misconceptions. We tend to create a set of beliefs around something, and these beliefs are not always true. Sometimes, these beliefs can put people off doing something, or trying something for the first time, even when this thing could be of immense benefit to them. I would hate to imagine that you have avoided trying meditation because you believe any of the 3 common misconceptions about meditation below.

 

(Bear in mind that I am not a meditation purist, and so, my thoughts on meditation are more liberal and flexible than some. What I'm giving is my take on reality, no one else's).

 

Misconception #1

You close your eyes and something woo-woo (for want of a better word) should happen from the very first time.

'Fraid not dude! Unlikely, I should say. For most people, they close their eyes and nothing magic happens. In fact, most people, for the first time, realise just how congested with thoughts their mind is, and just how uncomfortable it is to sit completely still for a spell. To be fair, I had a pretty awesome first time meditation experience, and that definitely provided me with the hook to keep practicing. I was taught to meditate at 15 years of age, by a monk, with a small group of people, some completely new, and some very, very experienced. I can remember everything about that first session, especially the moment I was hit by wave after wave of what I can only call a 'deeply meditative state'. I'm convinced to this day that those waves were somehow passed to me from one of those ridiculously experienced meditators, though I'll never know for sure.

Either way, it hooked me right in as it was an incredible experience. But I think it was an exception. Most of the time, the feedback I hear from people who meditate for the first time is that 'nothing happened', as though they were expecting something like the rush from a drug, or the doorway to another universe to suddenly open when they close their eyes.

Your own experience could be anywhere along that spectrum, from 'nothing happened' to 'waves of awesomeness'.

What I suggest is that you be ok with that and, regardless of which it is, make a promise to yourself to just keep practicing. Eventually shifts will occur, and you'll start to see what is actually possible. Every single human being is capable of doing this, if they choose. Until the shifts happen, you can at least enjoy some time out from whatever you are doing. If you can slow your breathing down and elicit the relaxation response, you are doing your body a great favour, even if you don't meditate deeply for many, many months.

 

Misconception #2

There's only 1 way to meditate.

Like, OMG, like, No Way Jose! There are a gazillion ways to meditate! Ok, maybe not a gazillion. But there are many.

The trick is to shop around to find that one that works for you. You can meditate with a candle, with your eyes closed, sitting in lotus, sitting on a chair, walking, saying a mantra, using mala beads, focussing on your breath, chanting, using a podcast, through Youtube, in a class, via an app, and more. These are just the variations I've been exposed to.

Perhaps you decided to learn to meditate a few years ago and took yourself off to a community class where everyone sat on the floor and chanted for 45 minutes, leaving you with a stiff back, bung knees, and, you've forgotten the words, but there's weird tune whirring through your mind from the incessant chanting. You don't go back and you've written meditation off as loony.

Please don't. Please don't give up on it. Shop around. Perhaps that wasn't the right one for you. Seek out some different meditation groups. Perhaps you can make it a goal to try a different meditation style per week for 6 weeks and see what works best for you.

 

Do you prefer to go it alone with an app or a podcast? Or is joining a group going to keep you more accountable?

Are you comfortable sitting on the floor for a long time, or can you chat to the teacher and see whether they have an option for chair meditation?

Do you doubt your own ability to sit still at this stage of the game? Maybe take the pressure out of it and explore walking meditation to start with.

 

Absolutely, there is not only 1 way to meditate. If you've tried before and didn't like it, give it another go. Open your mind and try a few methods. You might be surprised to find one that really works for you!

 

Misconception #3

You have to meditate an hour a day every day in order to do it right

This is a tough one. It's true, the more you meditate, the easier it becomes. And it is also true that the longer you meditate, the deeper you can get into a meditative state. Buuuut that is quite an off-putting truism for most. There is no doubt that when you first start, finding even 5 minutes to spare is difficult, let alone 30 minutes! 

So what I recommend is to start with just factoring in 5 minutes every day to get quiet and find a relaxed state. Once you have built that quiet time into your routine, you can start to extend it by 5 minute increments. You might stop and make yourself still for 5 minutes for the first two weeks, then up it to 10 minutes, and so on.

Over time you may build up to a regular, one hour practice. Or maybe not. If you're like me, you might have a regular 20-30 minutes per day, but sometimes you'll cut it short, or just be grabbing 5 minutes to centre yourself on the train on the way in to work.

Be flexible. You live in the modern world, as do I. Do what you can, when you can. But do it!


So those are 3 big misconceptions that I see popping up in my clients and people I talk to about meditation. Have a think about whether you have had any thoughts like this yourself, and whether you have considered 5 minutes of meditation as being somehow out of your reach.

What can you do to bring it into your world a little more often, and a little longer each time?

 

I'd love to hear from you! Do you meditate? Have you tried it and given up? Did you find it hard to make the time, or were you disappointed with the results?

Let me know in the comments box below!

xo

Stay Calm and take a risk

Lately, I've had a lot going on.... I mean, a lot of changes work wise.

 

And I decided I need to ask you something.

 

---> Have you ever taken a risk, be it personal, financial, career-based, without any clue as to how it is going to work out? It's pretty hard to focus on being present and calm when you have a lot riding on a future outcome, isn't it?

 

Well, I recently signed an agreement to start practising my wares out of a health centre in the Sydney CBD. Maybe it doesn't sound like much to you, but it involved quite a bit of upfront money, and a massive dose of courage to put myself into a new space and share my passions with new people. For me, this was BIG!

 

You might be surprised by this. You might even think I'm Queen of Calm and 'have it all together', but, like anyone else, doubts and fears can rise in times of uncertainty and risk. I'm not immune.

 

Truthfully, I'm super excited but I'm pretty damn nervous too! I mean, a whole day to offer all kinds of stress relief treatments to stressed out people in the cbd?! I can't wait to start!! But it is a big change too.

 

I wasn't always a business owner and I am still not used to risks like this, so it is easy for that voice of panic and anxiety to jump in and have a say in what's happening!

"No one will come! You'll lose all that you invest! Who are you to be offering that?!"...I mean, it's just incredible what these anxieties say!

 

 

Can you relate to this?

 

 

Do you find yourself catastrophising the outcome of some future events?

 

 

Do you find it hard to sleep or stay calm, thinking of all the different ways it can go wrong?

 

 

Well you're not alone. Many people tend to spend more time focussed on the past or the future, without really being present in the present! And it seems to increase in times of uncertainty or change.

Now, I'm not saying anxiety is a bad thing altogether. Anxiety and fear are equals to happiness and anger in the broad range of human emotions. All human emotions are valid. There can be a positive twist to anxiety, which is motivation. Imagine being extremely anxious about an upcoming exam, versus laissex-faire and super relaxed? Which one might help you be more prepared to take action and study?

Clearly there are benefits to recognising potential threats, be they social, physical, mental, or environmental and taking action to avoid them. The question is, are you taking action (physical response) on threats which are not real or cannot be changed?

 

Take a look at the timeline below.

 

 

 

 

Where do you spend most of your thinking time? If you close your eyes right now for a minute and let the thoughts flood in, where are they focussed? Past? Future? Right this moment?

 

When you're about to take a risk, or there's some type of uncertain event playing out, you might be spending a lot of time hanging out in the future. Playing out different scenarios, possibly getting yourself into a state of anxiety over what 'might' happen. Maybe you have a doctor's appointment you're dreading, maybe you're about to invest in a new business or a new home and you're wondering if it will all fall down around you ---future focusser.

 

On the other hand, if you've just done something with a strong emotional investment, possibly with a poor outcome, chances are you are currently dwelling in the past. Maybe that first date didn't go so well, or your boss had a go at you in a staff meeting, or you said something you regret to someone you love. Now, you're going over what went wrong, replaying the scene in some kind of torturous replay again, and again, your mind can't let it go. You are ruminating on it --- past dweller.

 

This is where our anxieties get the better of us.

 

Now, let me be clear here before we go any further. I'm not talking about the medically-diagnosed psychological disorder of Generalised Anxiety Disorder or all the other classifications of Anxiety in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual V of Mental Disorder of the American Psychiatric Society. If you feel that you are suffering from a level of anxiety that is beyond the 'normally expected' levels, and is persisting for months please go straight to your GP for a referral to a specialist.

If, however, your anxiety is not ongoing and is specifically related to an event or series of unusual life events, you may benefit by thinking about where you focus your thoughts.

 

It is possible to train your mind to bring awareness to the present, despite your mind's desire to dwell in the past or future.

 

Really. It is possible!

 

Why is this important?

 

One of the main answers is: the body can't tell the difference between what is real and what your mind is saying. Your body will react to your fears in the same way as if it was really happening. If you imagine a terrible scenario, like your manager ripping you apart in a meeting, your body believes that you are actually being threatened, even though it is only in your thoughts.

 

What happens? You prepare for 'flight or fight' of course!

 

Your adrenals start pumping out stress response hormones to engage your body. Your muscles tense. Your heart rate increases. Your breathing shortens and quickens and you are ready to roll. All to prepare you for a 'flight or fight' response to something which probably won't even happen, or if it has happened, can't be changed, and is probably not the catastrophe you think it is.

 

What a waste of energy!

 

It is your thoughts which are creating a scenario which your body is reacting to. It just isn't real!

 

So how do you get yourself out of this and back into the present moment?

 

In short ---> mindfulness and focussed awareness is a great way to get your wild imagination back to NOW.

 

German-born Eckhard Tolle, a famous author and speaker who resides in Canada, has spent many years studying and researching spiritual philosophy and psychology. He has worked as a counsellor, a teacher, and an author. One of his most famous books is called, 'The Power of Now', which extols the transforming virtue of living in the present moment. Because the present moment is all we really have.

 

In this short video, Tolle outlines some steps you can take if you find yourself being overwhelmed by anxiety:

  • Firstly, recognise what is happening with your thoughts and the impact it is having on your body. How is your body currently reacting to your thoughts? This takes quiet awareness.
  • Then, choose (actively make a decision) to step out of the situation. This is difficult sometimes because the thoughts are very powerful, especially at the beginning.
  • If you can't manage to get yourself out of the anxious thought process, it is enough to just recognise that you are in it. Notice what is happening in your body and mind. Later, as you progress, you can start trying to step out of the anxious thoughts. Just knowing the anxious thought has control over your body and mind is already a step forward.
  • Next, take a conscious breath --- long, slow belly breaths, not chest breaths.
  • Lastly, remove the tension from your body. Shake your body, hands, arms, clap your hands, move your jaw to release tension. Or just notice where you are sitting, look around, notice where you feet are, where your hands are resting, the position of your body.

 

He describes it as a kind of awakening and returning to your body and returning to the present moment.

 

This type of thing takes time. If you are used to getting caught up in 'what ifs' and creating panic in your body, it will take some time just to become aware of the thoughts themselves. Let it happen slowly, and as you become more used to noticing the anxious thoughts for what they are, you can begin to start making an active choice to step out of the process.

Creating your own alternative thought pattern can also help you. So consider this:

A. You notice yourself in the throes of anxious and unrealistic thinking.

B. After practising, you are able to choose not to stay in that anxious thought.

C. You take a long, slow belly breath.

D. You shake your hands, shrug your shoulders and move your body to release tension.

E. You choose an alternative pattern of thoughts to focus on. You might choose something more mundane, like planning your shopping list. Or you might choose to look around you and find something positive to focus on in the present moment, like your children happily sitting in front of you, or the delicious taste of your early morning tea as you sip it.

 

 

What do I do?

 

Well, thankfully, I noticed pretty quickly that I was getting a little anxious and overwhelmed with my changes because over time I've become used to noticing subtle changes in my body. So firstly I added a few extra personal yoga classes to my schedule as I had let them slide recently. I also increased my morning meditation time and decreased my morning cardio time.

Yoga is my go-to when I am anxious. It is an incredibly meditative way to get into the present moment as you use your breath to switch on your parasympathetic nervous system (aka the 'rest digest' response), the opposite of the 'flight or fight' response. Through yoga you become mindfully present in your practice and in your meditation, allowing more time to notice damaging thoughts and bring the mind back to the present moment.

 

I'll finish with this.

 

When in the grips of anxiety, it can seem as though it has complete control over your life. It can seem as though all the worst things are going to happen and they are all targeting you. There is a window though, for you to recognise those anxieties and, with practice, choose to step out of them and into the beautiful present moment.

 

Yoga, meditation, and mindfulness allow us to be more present. I feel absolutely thrilled that I can offer these gifts to others, and call on them when I need them myself. Just send me a message right here if you'd like me to share them with you. xo

 

 

 

Links and resources:

Wisdom Talks, 2015, Get Rid of Fear and Anxiety Today, videorecording, Youtube, viewed 28 February 2016, <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ze0-vGa-MQ8>

beyondblue depression and anxiety organisation Australia : https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

 

 

 

Note: As stated above, if you feel that you are suffering from a level of anxiety that is beyond the 'normally expected' levels, and is persisting for months please go straight to your GP for a referral to a specialist. In fact, while I'm at it, if you are in Australia, you can also contact Beyond Blue, a fantastic organisation which can give you advice and point you in the right direction to receive good care. If you are not in Australia, please speak to your GP for a referral to a mental health professional, and try Googling for a similar organisation in your own country so you can talk to someone straight away. I need to say this because if you are mentally ill, reading a blog is not going to be enough to remove chronic anxiety. It is in your best interests to seek the care you need from appropriate qualified health professionals.

 

 

Let's de-stress the CBD!

Sydney CBD watch out - here I come!

Whether you need to relax and escape a hectic world through massage, find some balance and release with yoga, centre yourself with meditation, or reach for a better you with stress management and wellness coaching, you and your colleagues can find a way to Sunrise Well.

 

Schedule

  • Stress management coaching (all weekdays) face-to-face, phone, Skype - by appointment only

  • Yin yoga and meditation (all weekdays) private, corporate or group - by appointment only

  • Massage on Fridays - by appointment only

  • Group meditation and mindfulness sessions (all weekdays) private, corporate or group - by appointment only

  • Stress management and health workshops and talks at your workplace - by appointment only

Ph: 0421 487 406     Email hellosunrisewell@gmail.com      Or book here!

 

So if you or someone you know needs to unwind, you want to treat your friend to a secret Friday escape, give me a buzz and we'll set up an appointment.

 

 

Make your resolutions a reality in 5 easy steps

The New Year...

Oh that exhilarating time when we can choose to throw out old habits and start anew! There's something so enticing about a fresh start, a chance to review the year past in a bid to have a better year moving forward. A better year can mean so many things, a better relationship, a better diet, a better exercise program...such noble and positive desires that anyone even contemplating them should be applauded. Being reflective and looking for ways to improve are fantastic qualities and important skills to develop if you want to engender real change in your life. But there is one fundamental error that people make at this time which, ultimately, becomes their unraveling. That is, the failure to plan SMART. We will look at this from the case of Bob and his new year plan to handle stress better and, as you'll see, Bob's success really depends on how he focusses on his vision of change, and how he plans the next steps.

Bob

Meet Bob. Bob is almost 40 years old. He has been married for 10 years and has 2 kids under the age of 8. He has been working in an office in the city for the last 15 years and is pretty close to paying off the whole mortgage on their small suburban home, however the family is struggling financially, living in an expensive city and struggling to keep up with bills, payments, and living costs. A few years ago Bob realised that the only way he and his family will be able to improve their financial situation is if he moves from his office job into a higher role or a different company. So, last year Bob started studying in the evenings and on weekends. To say the least, Bob had a Very Stressful Year, juggling work, studies, kids and family life, and, truth be told, he didn't always handle his stress well. When he reflected on this over a glass of wine with his wife on New Year's Eve, he boldly proclaimed: "Next year, I won't get so stressed with you and the kids. Things will be different. This is my resolution".

Boom! First mistake right there! Ok, that's dramatic, but I got your attention didn't I? Now consider the following: rather than exiting from a poor habit, create your plan to be something you are moving towards, something enticing!

"I won't get stressed with you and the kids..."

In this scenario, Bob, like most people, focusses on something from the past that he doesn't want in his life anymore. Bob announced that he doesn't want to get stressed anymore. This is ok, but really what he's deciding then, is to take something out of his life, call it 'the deficit', but he isn't considering what he wants to bring into his life, call it 'the positive'. Still, he has a bit of a goal, which is better than nothing, and he pushes on resolutely with his new, hopeful vision. He may even write some things down and follow through on it with some action.

Here's what happens next. Choose from Option 1 or Option 2. Which do you think is more likely to succeed?

Option 1: The typical approach - all or nothing

Bob has already identified that he got too stressed with work, study and family life last year. He may have seen it take a toll on his relationship, his family life, or maybe his wife or a friend even told him. Whatever the case, he has identified the issue and declared that he wants to move towards a life vision which doesn't include this way of handling stress. Bravo Bob! It's not the most enticing or alluring vision, but the fact that he has even considered change is a positive step forward. Many don't even get that far, so let's give him a pat on the back for being open to change.

Bob realises from talking with his wife, that his stress is coming from 3 main areas of his life: time management issues, quality family time issues, and lack of exercise and relaxation. So, in the first week of January, he joins a yoga studio and, not knowing which is best, he buys a bunch of books and CDs on meditation and mindfulness. It seems like a positive step, doesn't it?

Then, because he knows over-work is contributing to his stress, he makes a vow to leave work every day at 5pm on the dot, no excuses.

To improve his family life, he sets up a plan with his wife to spend an extra 3 afternoons a week with the kids and go on a day out as a family every Saturday.

This is something along the lines of what many people do when they decide to make a dramatic change in their life in the new year.

Option 2: The 'Bob is set to thrive' approach:

In this scenario, Bob is again aware of his problem with stress management and spends a good deal of time thinking of his dream living situation. He has realised that the way he deals with stress is having a negative impact on his life, his health, and his relationships, so the motivation to change it is strong. He begins by writing down a clear vision of what he wants. He is aware of what he doesn't want, that is to be stressed and have stress rule his life. So he asks himself what he wants to replace it with.

"I want to not get stressed with my wife and kids" becomes something like, "I want to manage my stress levels and find ease and flow in my day to day life".

Can you see how that moves the goal from wanting something gone, to striving for something new and positive?

The next step is to really focus on the WHY. Why does Bob want this? What are the drivers behind it? Clearly Bob, with a little soul searching, has identified his strong connection to his wife and family and has already realised how important it is to have a positive relationship with them. So, in this case, he may say something like: "I want this so I can have easy, relaxed and fun times with my family and appreciate their presence in my life". So you can see there he has tapped into his personal values, for something outside of himself. He has dug a little deeper to find a really compelling reason to tie his vision to and, in that way, he is setting himself up to have a stronger motivation to succeed. He might even pin a photo of his family above his books in his study to remind him of his goal.

 

Next, the goals. Remember Scenario 1? Can you guess what might be the danger in the way he set up his strategy in the first week of January?

You got it, it's the goals themselves. They need to be SMART goals and they need to be part of a plan. A SMART goal is as follows:

S - Specific

M - Measurable

A - Achievable/Attractive

R - Realistic

T - Time-specific

So, what can Bob do? Well, to start with, he can be reasonable with himself. With all his good intentions, perhaps Bob really should just take a step back and be honest with himself. He might ask, "What could I be doing in 3 months time to reach my vision of managing my stress load?", and, based on that, "What could I reasonably expect to do this week to move me towards those goals?".

If you want long term change...Be Realistic! If you don't, the main person your harming is you! If you have a dream to run a marathon and you've never run one, would your first training session be a 3km run, or a 30 km run? It's logical! Start small and build up.

 

Doing it this way, this is something like what Bob's first week of January might be:

  • On meditation and yoga, "Am I ready to join a yoga studio and go on a meditation retreat?" -  No, I'm not up for it yet.

Ok, what can I do this week?

1. Take the flyers of 3 local yoga studios and talks with the manager of each one about the classes and how they might help him with stress management.

 

  • On leaving work every day at 5pm, "Is this possible right now?" - No, I'm not ready.

Ok, what can I do now?

2. Schedule a meeting with his boss on Wednesday to talk about the distribution of work tasks to see whether some tasks can be taken up by the new Junior Office Worker.

 

  • On scheduling more family time, "How much time can I honestly spare right now, outside of my work and studies?" - Probably no more than one afternoon right now, while I sort out my work load.

3. Plan a picnic for next Saturday afternoon from 1pm with his wife and children.

See how much more manageable this is?

 

Which option is more likely to succeed in creating long term change? Something broken down into easy steps, or something that start off the size of Mt Everest?

The idea is to start small.

Don't try and do everything at once.

And slowly build on each successful step forward in order to create momentum.

 

Despite his gallant efforts in Option 1 to become a gym junkie, yogi, family man, there's a good chance that Bob will not be maintaining the strict schedule he has set up and, worse still, if he doesn't arrange things properly around his work and study tasks, there is a good chance that he'll focus on his family and new found yoga, only to have the pile of work building in his absence! If he really wants to manage his work and study time so that he has time and energy for his family and is able to manage his stress, he needs a clear and well laid out strategy, with SMART goals. 

So, here's a little game plan for Bob, and for anyone else who has made a bold resolution for the coming year:

Step 1:  Get a piece of paper and write down a very compelling, positive vision.

Step 2: Spend some time thinking and writing about your why, your motivation for change - use visuals to really get your heart moving on it!

Step 3: Think about and write down what you would like to be doing in 3 months time to get yourself closer to your vision - and make it SMART!

Step 4: Think about and write down what you can do in the next week to take you your first step towards your vision - and again, make it SMART!

Step 5: Take the first step! Then take another small step, and another, and another and after a while look up and you'll see that you're well on your way to reaching your long term goal!!

 

***** I hope you get something out of this little story about Bob. Just a little disclaimer here. I've simplified Bob's story and Bob's game plan right down to make it more palatable for a little blog post. In actual fact, it often takes quite a while to really nut out the Whats and the Whys of making a big change in life. In our first 90 minute coaching session we explore this and more, such as blocks, strategies, and value systems in order to really help you define and shape your vision of success and make a clear and compelling strategy to get you there. We've managed to condense the simplified version into Bob's Story, but I'm sure you'll appreciate the basic concept and use some pointers in your own goal-making. *****

 

Best of luck!!

xo

 

 

 

 

My top #3 tips to beat the uninvited guest - Stress

happy family in grass.jpg

Let's be honest with each other. You know as well as I do that stress is not our friend. Activating the sympathetic nervous system for a 'flight or fight' response is pretty darn handy when fleeing rampant tigers a la thousands of years ago. But it is not so useful today when we activate it daily, over long periods of time at work, opening emails, dealing with difficult customers, and so on. Sure, it can be handy to help us meet that deadline and remain alert in a busy environment but, long term, activating the sympathetic nervous system can lead to a whole gamut of physical damage, a lot of which can have you ending up in hospital (or worse) down the track.

These days, to state that chronic stress damages the health is stating the obvious. But if you need more convincing, watch this simple video here which explains it well. In short, long term stress is an uninvited friend and you need to develop strategies to deal with it when it shows up in your life. 

*hint*...while we can make some changes in order to minimise stressful situations, it is near impossible to eradicate stress completely! The best thing to do is have a tool belt full of strategies you can whip out when that 'friend' knocks on the door. 

Here are 3 simple and effective strategies to try out over the next few weeks. The best way to do this is to interweave all three of them into your week. Find what works for you and try to practice it daily for at least a few weeks to start building it into your routine. At first you will probably try it and forget it later on. It's like remembering someone's name at a party. If you hear it once you will probably forget it. If you repeat it several times, it concretes itself in there a little more.  So, if you are really serious about tackling stress and reducing it's presence in your life, why not put a timer on your phone and select designated times to perform your chosen activity. Over time, it will become routine and you won't need to set up a timer for it. It will be part of your every day life.

 

Tip #1

BREATHE!

An oldy but a goody, we are starting with this one. Long, slow, diaphragmatic breathing immediately triggers the 'relaxation response' via the vagus nerve of the parasympathetic nervous system. In times of stress, we tend to constrict the chest, taking short, shallow chest breaths - preparing ourselves for our tiger run. This activates adrenaline and cortisol throughout the body which, as explained in the video above, are not particularly helpful for our long-term health (though they are great energy boosters when used at the right time!).

Try this method: Either lie down, or sit upright in your chair, in a relaxed but open posture.  Begin by relaxing your belly muscles - give them a poke to check! Holding the belly in will force the air into the upper chest which is the opposite of what you want to achieve here. So, with buddha bellies ready...take a long slow inhale through the nose. Try to inhale for the count of 5 slow beats. Hold the breath in for another 5 beats. Release the air slowly for 5 to 7 beats. Pause a moment. Then begin the process again. You should notice your belly doing most of the moving, but don't force it. Just let it fall in and out naturally. Repeat the process five to ten times and you'll notice a lighter and warmer feel to your body and mind, and your thought become more clear - this is the Relaxation Response!

Tip #2

RECORD!

Keep a diary of your stress levels. Use a scale of 0 to 10 where 0 = absolutely no stress, and 10 = extreme stress. Set an alarm and record your stress levels at certain points throughout the day. Do this over a period of one to two weeks for a complete picture of your life stressors. Doing this is a good way to check in and become more aware of your stress. It is also a useful strategy to see any patterns or triggers that may be bringing on or increasing the stress in your daily life. Once you know what the triggers are, you can start to develop some plans to work around and overcome them.

If you record a stress level of 5 or higher at any time during the day, give Tip #1 a go.

 

Tip #3

MOVE!

If you do notice you are being driven by that unfriendly sympathetic nervous system response, get moving! Typical signs: shallow breathing, tense shoulders, tight jaw, clenched butt. Use that energy that is flooding your system right now. Release it, and move on.

If you're at work, try and find a quiet place to jump down on the floor and do ten situps or pushups. Or stretch your body up and out, and swing your arms in a gentle fashion. Or go for a short walk. It doesn't have to be for long. A brisk five-minute walk around the office or up and down the stair-well will use up the energy you've been releasing.

After that short release, place one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly. Step into the centre of your awareness, slow down your breathing and activate the parasympathetic response with ten slow belly breaths.  

 

As I said, stress sometimes shows up uninvited. Becoming aware of when you want it to hang around and when you'd rather chill out alone is important for your long term health and wellness. Give the tips above a good go and see if you can bring these changes into your routine.  Let me know how you go!

* Remember! Long term changes are best made through ongoing coaching and behaviour change. Call or email Ruth today to schedule a free 15 minute discovery session to see how she can help you deal with your long term stress*

Note: Please see your GP if you are concerned about stress and anxiety or any of it's related symptoms and diseases. 

Free online mindfulness summit in October

Heya! So I'll keep this short and sweet...there is a mindfulness summit coming up online in October with training, talks and research...it looks like it will be amazing!

Whether you practice mindfulness often or you've never done it at all, I recommend jumping online and registering for the event - even registering will give you some helpful free audios and trainings. Pop into as many sessions as you can over the month of October and see if you can build up your personal practice of mindfulness.

Here's the link to check it out and register:

http://themindfulnesssummit.com/

Let me know how you go!!

xo