Beyond “R U OK?”: The question is the beginning, not the finish line.

Written By Ruth Kent

I ran a leadership offsite for a national sales company last year during the week of RU OK? Day. The topic was how to have wellbeing conversations that work. At the end of the session, the CEO shared with me that he felt lost. He knows that as a company, they need to be having conversations about how to protect mental health at work. But half of his leadership board aren’t on board with it. Call them old school, but they don’t believe it’s something they need to be talking about at work.

I see many leadership teams still grappling with the same issues 12+ months later, despite the fact that preventing psychological injury is now a very clear mandate on businesses across all jurisdictions. I’m urging leaders to take already well-known initiatives like RU OK? Day and use them as springboards for deeper, more integrated support in mental health and wellbeing.

R U OK? Day 2026 falls on Thursday 10 September this year. It’s a National Day of Action, but it’s also a great beginning for people to ask R U OK? any day of the year. These conversations, what I call ‘wellbeing check-ins’, can be embedded into the culture, rather than being something done once-a-year without meaningful change.

Wellbeing check-ins give people a clear framework to slow down, notice the people around us and start a conversation that might otherwise be avoided, especially when work is hectic and there never seems to be time to slow down and connect. Because the truth is, if you don’t slow down and connect, you might be missing an opportunity to intervene early and help prevent psychological injury and exacerbated mental health issues.

R U OK? reports that nine in ten Australians who are asked “Are you OK?” say they feel more connected and supported after a wellbeing conversation, while one in three underestimate the difference asking can make. This demonstrates that while the question won’t give a complete solution, it’s also not a trivial gesture.

One conversation, one morning tea or one email campaign cannot carry the weight of workplace wellbeing for the rest of the year.

We can ask “Are you OK?”, but we also have to be prepared to listen to the answer, notice what may be sitting underneath it and respond in a way that supports the person.

And we have to understand the difference. Sometimes the answer is not “No.” Sometimes an answer of -

  • “I’m fine.”

  • “Just busy.”

  • “It’s all good.”

  • “I can handle it.”

  • “Don’t worry, I’ll get it done.”

- may be completely true, but they also be covering strain, fear, exhaustion, perfectionism, disconnection or self-induced performance pressure. That doesn’t mean we should treat every “fine” as a crisis, but it does mean that we should become better at staying curious.

When I talk to teams and leaders about this, many of them aren’t confident that they’ll know what to do if they get a ‘fine’ in response, even after noticing changes in behaviour.

Mental health in Australia

Mental health concerns are a part of life. They bridge across all areas of an ordinary Australian life, including working life.

21.5% of Australians aged 16–85 experienced a mental disorder in the previous 12 months in 2020–2022 (National Study of Mental Health and Wellbeing, ABS), and this is diagnosed mental disorders, not the less measurable elements of mental health where the person experiences the ups and downs of life, even if they don’t have a diagnosable illness.

42.9% of respondents in the study had experienced a mental disorder across their lifetime, with anxiety disorders being the most common group in that study, affecting 17.2% of people aged 16–85 in the previous 12 months (National Study of Mental Health and Wellbeing, ABS).

 

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These figures describe population mental health, across all social aspects of Australia. They don’t describe workplace burnout. They shouldn’t be used to label a colleague, especially from a single conversation, and especially when a person is not qualified to make these calls. They do, however, give context for why mental-health conversations belong in everyday community and workplace life rather than waiting until a crisis hits.

Work-related psychological harm is a concern that must be addressed, and it’s worth mentioning when we talk about mental health at work. There were 17,600 serious workers’ compensation claims for mental health conditions, representing 12% of all serious claims in 2023-2024 (Safe Work Australia). The number of mental-health claims increased by 14.7% compared with the previous year. Compensation data does not capture every person experiencing work-related stress or burnout, but it shows that psychological injury at work can have serious consequences.

It’s also important to differentiate burnout from the feeling of being stressed, tired or unhappy. They’re not the same thing. Burnout is a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed (World Health Organisation, ICD-11). It’s characterised by energy depletion or exhaustion, increased mental distance or cynicism about the job, and reduced professional efficacy. It is an occupational phenomenon, not a medical condition, and, at least right now, the term is used specifically in the work context (although there are discussions around whether that should be extended to all areas of life).

Are You dancing with Your near enemies?

The phrase “near enemy” comes from Buddhism and can be used as a lens for a quality that looks like a virtue, but actually moves us away from the thing we’re trying to practise. It’s a useful way to examine workplace behaviour and how we can sometimes end up in situations that drain wellbeing, rather than enhance it.

The far enemy of compassion might be disdain. It is relatively easy to recognise and reject. The near enemy might be pity: it can look caring while leaving the other person feeling diminished, separate or incapable.

Example:

Characteristic - Kindness

Far enemy - Meanness

Near enemy - Niceness

What it can look like - Avoiding a necessary conversation so nobody feels uncomfortable, while the impact continues for everyone else


Characteristic - Responsibility

Far enemy - Irresponsibility

Near enemy - Over-functioning

What it can look like - Taking on extra work without boundaries, answering messages at all hours and making an unsustainable workload look manageable.

These near enemies are difficult to spot because they can be rewarded or misunderstood as being valuable. The helpful person gets more work. The agreeable person avoids conflict. The reliable person becomes the safety net. The calm person is assumed to be coping.

This is where “I’m fine” can become complicated. Not because the words are necessarily dishonest, but because the surrounding pattern shows a deeper issue that looks different on the surface to what’s underneath.

“Near enemies are states that appear similar to the desired quality but actually undermine it.”
— Brené Brown

Looking beyond the words

Tone of voice, body language, changes in participation, energy, sleep, communication or reliability can all be signs that tells us there’s more to it than ‘I’m fine’. But they’re not proof that someone is struggling. They may be clues for further investigation, but they’re not diagnoses.

A colleague who’s quieter than usual may be tired, distracted, unwell, grieving, overloaded or just looking for a bit of time alone. The respectful response is not to interpret the clue with certainty. It’s to notice the change and create an opening.

You might say:

  • “You seem quieter than usual today. How are you going?”

  • “I’ve noticed the last few weeks have looked pretty full. How is the workload feeling for you?”

  • “You said you’re fine, and I’m glad to hear that. How can we support you at the moment?”

  • “Would it help to talk through what is taking the most energy this week?”

The aim is to have these conversations on such a regular and natural basis that the conversation flows, and the psychological safety creates the conditions for sharing when the need arises.

The four steps of RU OK?

Going beyond R U OK? doesn’t mean moving away from the conversation model. The framework is a really great start, especially if you need a guide. We want to encourage people to ask, listen, encourage action and check in. But you also need to be ready for what comes after the question.

Here are some guiding steps to help get the conversation started:

1. Ask with specificity and care

Choose a moment where you have enough time and privacy to listen. You don’t have to use the exact words “Are you OK?”. You can name what you’ve noticed and ask an open question, e.g. ‘I’ve noticed you’ve been starting work late more often these last few weeks’.

Avoid turning the conversation into an investigation or accusation. You’re just looking for a neutral, calm observation that leaves the door open for an honest response.

2. Listen without fixing

Listening means giving your full focus, not waiting for your turn to give advice. It’s about allowing the person to explain their experience in their own words.

In coaching we say, ‘listen until you don’t exist’, which means that you become so focussed and so aware of the other person that you’re not caught up in your own head and what you want to say next.

This is where you tap into your emotional intelligence and mindful communication skills. Notice your urge to interrupt, minimise, compare or fix. Take a breath. Let there be a pause. Reflect back what you think you heard and check that you understood.

You might say, “It sounds like the constant changes are taking more out of you than people can see. Does that sound accurate to you?”

Notice your own desire to have all the answers.

3. Encourage action that is proportionate and practical

A helpful next step won’t look the same for everyone. For some people, it might be a conversation with a manager, a clearer workload discussion, a GP appointment, an EAP referral, a change to the immediate plan, or simply making space for the person to think.

This is where stress management, energy management and habit formation can become useful. A short pause between demanding tasks, a protected lunch break, a plan for switching off, or a small boundary around after-hours communication may help someone regain a little capacity, not as a complete solve, but as a support that will help them to build capacity while recovering.

Noting here that practical tools can’t be a substitute for fixing harmful work conditions. If the problem is chronic understaffing, unclear priorities, unreasonable demands, poor supervision or a lack of psychological safety, they need to be addressed at an operational level.

4. Check in, and keep checking the conditions

A follow-up conversation tells people that the first conversation was not just a performance or a box-ticking exercise.

When you catch up again, ask them what has changed. Find out what hasn’t changed. Ask whether the support they received made a difference. A culture where wellbeing check-ins are meaningful, not tokenistic, comes from repeated moments of care, not a once-a-year morning tea.

meaningful change Beyond One Day

To make R U OK? Day more than a yearly themed event, ask what will continue after the posters come down.

Make check-ins part of ordinary leadership

Don’t reserve check-ins for a designated wellbeing day. Build regular, human conversations into one-to-ones, supervision, team meetings and return-to-work conversations. Use the conversations as a chance to understand how the person is travelling, what is affecting their capacity and what support may be needed.

Learn How to Listen

Most people don’t need a script - they need practice. Give leaders and teams opportunities to rehearse how to ask, pause, listen, respond and follow up. Mindful communication matters. The quality of the conversation is shaped by attention, tone, timing, body language and the ability to stay present. These are all major challenges in today’s fast-paced world.

Watch for the near enemies in your culture

This is your chance to have real conversations together:

  • Where might niceness be replacing honesty?

  • Where might responsibility have turned into over-functioning?

  • Where are people being praised for coping with conditions that should be reviewed?

  • Are our wellbeing initiatives helping people speak up, or helping us avoid harder conversations?

  • What happens when someone says they are not OK?

These questions can reveal the gap between the values and the behaviours in an organisation.

Measure what happens after the conversation

What changed because the conversation took place? Did the person receive practical support? Did the workload shift? Did the manager follow up? Did the team learn anything about how work is organised? Did people become more confident raising concerns earlier?

If the only outcome is that everyone wore yellow for a day, you’ve created visibility, not change.

Bringing the conversation into your workplace

I deliver practical workshops and coaching for teams and leaders on how to have effective wellbeing conversations and also train on topics like stress management, energy management and sustainable performance, emotional intelligence, mindfulness, mindful communication, habit formation, pain management and sleep.

For R U OK? Day and beyond, practical sessions can look like:

  • going beyond the surface answer and noticing the clues that invite a respectful check-in

  • listening without rushing to fix, minimise or take over

  • recognising the near enemies that can hide inside kindness, responsibility and calm

  • building small habits for recovery, boundaries and sustainable energy

  • helping leaders connect individual support with the work conditions that shape wellbeing

Bookings are available for virtual and in-person lunch and learns / keynotes / leadership coaching conversations during the week of R U OK? Day and Mental Health Month. Submit your interest here.

The goal for a wellbeing check-in isn’t to create a perfect conversation that you can have once a year. It’s to create workplaces where honest conversations are a natural embedded part of the culture, where support is more practical and people aren’t falling apart before they get support.

GET Help bringing your wellbeing to your organisation

Do you want speaking, training, or help delivering a wellbeing project in your workplace?

Or are you hoping to bring evidence-based behaviour change to your teams?

Bringing wellbeing to small and large groups is not always a straight-forward practice.

Sunrise Well thrives in providing engaging, evidence-based workshops and keynotes to teams and leaders, and then diving into 1-1 coaching to embed the work.

Doing wellbeing well means you to have an in-depth understanding of the topic, skills in research and presenting, and an ability to adapt and be flexible for each project. Sunrise Well is boutique and agile, so the work I do can fit with your workplace needs.

If you’d like help bringing wellbeing, performance, and behaviour change into your organisation, get in contact.

We’ve worked with national and international clients to design and deliver educational programs and content to create lasting change within workplaces and community groups. We’d love to talk with you about how we can help you reach more people and get better results.

References

Ruth Kent
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